around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
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