oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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