I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
