I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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