well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
