if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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