I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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