You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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