I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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