Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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