If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize