Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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