what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
