Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
