4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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