So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
