that's what penises do
they tell lies.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
