I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
