My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize