My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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