so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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