i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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