there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
