He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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