Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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