is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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