goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
