i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
