I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
