why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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