Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
