If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
