soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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