my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
