Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize