Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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