i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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