Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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