I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Can I color on your dick again?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
