He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
