omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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