We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize