get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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