I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
