i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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