onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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