I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
