and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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