shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
