the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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