I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
