what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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