Non-Jews are for practice
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
