I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
