If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize