I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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