dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
