That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
