There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
