dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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