so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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