I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
