please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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