You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
