Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize