but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
