Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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