Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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