i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize