we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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