I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
