Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
