Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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