What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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