I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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