Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Randomize
