Where did you get a picture of my penis
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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