I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
