i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
